Stress

I have developed an eyelid twitch. This makes me feel like an old person, since I relate twitches to fortyish stressed out middle class people. Anyway, I looked up the causes online, using google of course (in ie :p). Main causes are: stress, tiredness and caffine.

tiredness + stress -> caffine -> more tiredness -> more stress etcetera.

I have been very tired these last few days (im particularly tired today because on the weekend I: worked 3 shifts on a yarra-cruise event-hire boat; stayed up drinking friday; met up with someone saturday after work; stayed up late-ish sunday doing the many loads of washing i needed to do (i know that doesn't count as interesting, but it still meant I didn't get much sleep); and got up early-ish for a job interview this morning). But the twitch started before that.

I do drink alot of coffee. Only because im tired and its also just something to do when im at uni and don't feel like doing research (which is nearly all the time). But not more than i am used to drinking (between 0-3 cups per day inclusive).

Stress: I think this is the main new thing in my life, my body shows all the symptoms of someone under stress. But i don't really feel stressed. I have changing social life, money issues due to lacking a scholarship, more demand on my time due to increased sports/exersise activities, demand to produce finalised results in my research etc.

Stress factors are then:

- Lack of money
- Performance at work (research)
- Physical activity (sports/gym etc)
- Socail life

LACK OF MONEY: This one is a big one, because without money, i cannot afford to go out with friends to do anti-stress activities like ice-skating, movies etc. I can't afford to eat a varied diet, although i'm making sure i get vegies and meat, its a bit boring. I keep focussing on the need to save up money for next months rent even if i just paid for the current month.

PERFORMANCE AT WORK: This seems like it feeds into itself. I get stressed because i need to produce results, but because im stressed and my stressor response is aversion, i dont get anything done, which means deadline sneak up and the pressure builds up. This also limits my enjoyment of socailising etc because I am always thinking, "actually i should be doing X not going to the movies with my friends".

PHYSICAL ACTIVITY: This is more indirect, since the actual sports is alot of fun and i think it reduces my stress in the short term. But since i am wearing out my body trying to get into shape, i need to eat more and sleep more, or i get sick easily. And then when i am sick or out of time and i miss out on doing sports, i can't stop thinking about how i should have just found a way to fit it in anyway. It also uses up my money, and so, adds to to my lack of money.

SOCIAL LIFE: I feel a little isolated of late, which means i keep trying to do more stuff and that just makes me have less time for other things. Also it costs quite a bit to do stuff like go to the movies or go ice skating or anything really. Even going to the beach, you either need to purchase lunch or coffees or icecreams. Or you can bring it from home or go without. But it still makes it difficult. Also i feel like my life is a bit behind where it should be, i feel a bit like a child playing at being an adult. I try doing things because i think I should, rather than i want to do them. Although i get the strong feeling that I SHOULD want to do them. The desire to fit into my own concept of what i should be compels me to actions i dont really want to do, which leads to a dissonance of action and thought.

However, in the end, I don't FEEL stressed, but its the only thing that makes sense as to why i have trouble sleeping, cant gain weight, keep getting sick (i think im coming down with something AGAIN, so annoying, i want to purchase an improved imune system, anyone selling?) and can't concentrate on my work.

I booked a doctors apointment to do a general health checkup to see if there isn't some underlying cause of this stress on my system, and if there isn't, to get some chil' pills so i can sleep better. In the end, I think stress is mostly a sleep pattern thing: not enough sleep -> irritable and distracted -> reduced performance/enjoyment -> stress -> harder to sleep.

Now to finish with a positive point, i went to a job interview for a gaming room attendant role today. The manager was saying it was important to him that his employees had a balanced work/family/socail/sport life, and he could tell the balance in sport life would be important to me, because i was "obviously keeping [myself] in good shape".

"Random Compliment in a Job Interview from the Interviewer" Quest: COMPLETE!