went to the gym.
had lunch with my psychology phd friend.
called up alot of people to organise activities for the week.
worked on a simulink simulation.
will have gone boxing (hopefully with my brother) this afternoon.
This morning in the gym I realised im slowly getting the inverte V shape on the back of my arm from well defined triceps. Thats cool. Make me all manlied. But its not even between my left and right arms. Thats very disappointing, I dont want to be asymetric.
I think I annoyed my psychology friend with my saying "I need to think of people as an extension of physical reality only, and also that people who are willing to do me a favour are willing to do so because *I'm so awesome I convinced them they want to help me* otherwise I have trouble asking people for help". Its kinda true. But a fair ammount of hyperbole. There are some people who I hate asking favours off. Mainly people who I am jealous of i think, its like saying to them, "Im not as good as you, I cant do it without you". Which i dont like. So if I try to imagine myself as more of a (what i understand to be a) sociopath, i think along the lines of "use every available resource to get yourself ahead, including the fact that you can be socail enough to convince X they want to help you".
Its like: you train and then run the race and you win, its your acheivement because you trained your body, your ability to run is a part of you. Therefore, getting someone to help you is, you "trained" yourown socail ability (or charisma), to the point you could use a specific person as a tool for acheiving your goal, your ability to manipulate people is a part of you.
Possibly this is a very negative way to talk about skills and abilities. It maybe that saying youre manipulating people is getting them to do something that they dont want to. But i think getting someone to do something by making them want to help you is still manipulation, and mayb its not diliberate on your behalf. And maybe you in return help them out from time to time, maybe your tendency to help out that person is part of what makes them (manipulates them to ) want to help them in return. I still see it as a manipulation of another person.
But then, when I help someone, is it not their ability to manipulate me? Except i like helping people. Ah but thats just because i've been manipulated into wanting to help, although it is still mostly a sincere emotion for me. In that case, i believe i am convincing myself i am manipulating other people when i ask for help simply to save face on my own emotional level. But i dont need to for when i help them out. So it is a self deception to say "my asking X for help is my own acheivement because i made them like me enough to want to help." But whatever works.
I kinda forget what else i was going to write about...
I do love them andorphins from the gym tho, they made me feel like singin as i was working out. which i did a little bit, but then i got some weird looks so i settled down.
In other news, still havent heard back from Ms travel to america. I think she found a replacement me. DAMN THAT GIRL. I wanted so badly to find a replacement her for the seven months she is away, but i havent, noone is as fun to hang around with, or as free with their time for me.
I watched the latest harry potter on satruday, and the part where harry and hermoine try to cheer each other up by dancing together to the radio made me want to just hang out at home with a few drinks, a friend, some muse or vast, and dance in the loungeroom with the projector playing visualisations on the wall. Like goin out to a club, but more laid back. But then where was Mel so i could do this? Stupid America. I dont think i know anyone else i could convince this was a fun idea.
I want to learn to be relaxed enough to just enjoy dancing when-ever where-ever without the need to be intoxicated. Dancing is fun.
La la la la la.
I feel restless, im going boxing in 2 hrs, i feel like im full of energy, but if i was to do something, i would run out before i wore out. I slept intermittently last night and this could be a resultant mild mania episode. Brittle high feeling.
1 comment:
What you said reminds me of hypnotism. Imagine you were able to hypnotise someone at the snap of your finger. You could plant any suggestion in their mind, but the catch is, you can't make them do something they don't want to do. So in essence, you could argue that anything you did convince them to do, they wanted to do, even if it was a teeny, tiny desire at the back of their head.
Was watching Boston Legal last night, and one of the things that came up was using a pill to wipe your memory of recent traumatic events. The lawyer arguing against that asked what makes a person a person? She said maybe it's the sum of your experiences that makes you who you are. So people saying things to you, and you observing what is going on around you makes you a part of who you are. Would you have decided to do engineering on your own, or was it because of various events in your life that led you to pick that, out of all the professions you could have chosen?
I like to believe that even manipulative people can be doing someone a favour if they are opening them to an experience they wouldn't normally have had the chance to try. It is only when they are purposely trying to convince someone to do something that is bad for them, that I think manipulation is bad (of course, that brings the discussion of whether someone is intentionally making someone do something bad, or if they think it is good for them, but actually is quite bad).
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