Illness is unfunness

So i am coming down with a cold, stupid cold. not to mention the weather is like 10 degrees here, very cold.

Was goin to an end of exams party tonight but dont feel like it cos of cold. But will still have some friends around for dinner tonight, so thats good.

Having people around makes me wonder about the nature of friendship.

Start with, there are some people you meet who are just exciting and who's company you enjoy. From there, if they like your company back, you end up hanging out and becoming friends, then after a while you probably drift apart until your the once a year friend if even that. So why do you get so excited at the start? Is it that they are someone new and interesting? when you get to know them better they are no longer new?

there are some people who i am friends with that when i first met them i didnt think of them as very interesting, i only chatted to them at parties etc to be polite, who now i get excited to catch up with, but then when we chat i am not that excited by the conversation, its epic small talk. but sometimes i think they make for better friends, because its less emotional investment, you dont get too unhappy if they forget to invite you to a party, or if you dont see them for a long time. so there is less likelyhood of having a "friend-break up".but also less chance of doing a crazy weekend away, cos they have their closer friends and you have yours for that.

some people start out like the second group and then sort of shift into the first. but the first never seems to shift to the second. i think thats like wat people mean by "dont want to ruin the friendship". if you go out with someone your awesome friends with then break up you may not be awesome friends anymore. but i think that close friendships tend to fizzle out anyway, you can only go forwards or backwards, you cant stay the same.

anyway, im about to fall asleep at my desk, later.

Post Weekend

So the weekend was busy but not as much as i originally thought it would be, because:

i didnt study on saturday because i was tired from friday night and getting up early for pilates so had a nap during the day.

i was still tired by saturday night so i was ready to bail fairly early from the houseparty

my parents didnt pick me up for the working b until lunchtime and i was tired so not that awake for my cuz birthday dinner

Mostly I enjoyed pilates, what made it was the friendly nurture style teacher (although she was intimidatingly flexible). i think its all about the teacher tho, the actual activity is relaxing but only because the teacher tells you step by step what to do, reminds you about the right breathing etc so you forget there are other people in the class. very peaceful. i think i will go again next weekend. although i think its a different teacher this week. not very strenuous. so i went for a 10k run that afternoon (after nap)

the house party started out well, got some canadian girls number, made plans for bike riding/ kayaking / squash with a few different people over the next 2 weeks. made dinner plans with two different groups of friends (although apparently i double booked myself for wednesday with an eox thing, so will do dinner early and then go to eox a little late (like 9 instead of 8)). and apparently i was entertaining enough that one girl i chatted to for a bit added me as a friend on facebook, although i have no profile picture so she must have ask Sarah which one was me >_>

but then (mayb because i was tired and drunk) it felt like i was sorta out of place, and although i shouldn't make comparisons (both because its not a friendly carefree way to behave and because my impressions of things are often really wrong), both my flatmates seemed to be getting along way better than i was with everyone else and it put me out of sorts. it made me feel like i wasn't very good at small talk, and that i mustn't be very interesting (and that i dont stand out in peoples minds as someone worth catching up with). thinking on it now, i think i had a big drop in blood sugar level (it was like 1ish) because i would normally be heading to bed about then, i had been drinking but had slowed down, and i hadnt eaten too much for a few hours. I say this because i think when i eat lots of good food i tend to be happier than when i eat highly processed food or skip a meal.

but now after my busy weekend, which i spent mostly feeling tired, i'm coming down with a sore throat and melencholy. its sort of a cycle, even though i dont continue to feel the same as i did late saturday, i feel a bit down that i get like that at all.

it was mostly a fun weekend.

Busy weekend

so i didnt manage to get up for running this morning, but did go swimming. in the change rooms there was a guy who must've just been running (he had skins on) and he changed everything except his underware. I dont get it, surely they would be the sweatiest part? there are shower cubicles available with doors if he is shy. also he sprayed links on his body, then put on a shirt, sprayed links on the shirt, then put on his jumper and then sprayed his jumper. Imho he wouldnt need so much deoderant if he had a shower and brought a full change of cloths.

anyway that point aside, busy weekend coming up, 25th drinks tonight, pilate's tomorro morn, research work during the day, then a housewarming/booze up tomorro night, then a working b at a relies, then 31st dinner of my cuz sunday night. Am looking forward to it, but it means i dont get to get too drunk tonight as i dont want a hang over on saturday.

Since i moved into my new place, im tired alot. I went to the doctor for a sore throat the other day and he asked about if i was tired/other symptoms cos he thought i might have glandula fever. I dont think i do, i think my new place is just too noisy so i dont sleep well, so i told him i wasnt tired. but now im wondering if that was the truth. i am also wondering if that isnt sort of self diagnosis, and whether the doctor may know best.

anyway, i figure ill ditch the 25th drinks early tonight, im mostly excited about the housewarming tomorro night and dont want to be tired for it. I need to be perky and interesting, since i havent seen alot of the people going for a long time and would like to reaquaint myself (ingratiate) enough that they be happy to hang out sometime so i got more stuff to do.

Excersise Idea

So my idea was originally, just running. At first i noticed the scales droping rapidly, but no real change in body appearance. So now i figure ill add gym work (wieghts), but i was told ill see no results from that unless i have enough protien so i also bought protien powder. ive been doing that twice a week +running for about 4 weeks(purely running ive been at for about 3-4 months). no change in scales, or appearance, but i feel good about it, and i think if i increase how much im doing by just a little bit i might notice some changes.

so with that in mind, what i do currently:

Monday-gym
Tuesday-10k ave speed run
Wednesday-nothing
Thursday-10k ave speed run
Friday-gym
Saturday-aim for 10k run, not normally achieved (due to hangover)
Sunday-nothing.

Yesterday i joined my flatmates in their morning run - 4k. then i went to the pool for a little swim, aiming for 1/2hr but only managed like 15min before i didnt feel like continuing (bathers kept falling down)

i remember when i was swimming 3 times a week, a friend from highschool was saying i looked more toned then i used to. so i think i want to include swimming. but aiming for the 2k each time i used to do, takes too long, 1 hr, so i figure just push myself for 1/2hr and see if i can manage more laps in the same time. and it soothed my sore legs after the run with my flatmates (if i go running for more than like 1k 2 days in a row, my legs get sore)

so then i figure what i should aim for is:

Monday-4k run with flatmates, 1/2 hr swim (am), gym(pm)
Tuesday-10k ave speed run(pm)
Wednesday-4k run with flatmates, 1/2 hr swim (am),
Thursday-10k ave speed run(pm)
Friday-4k run with flatmates, 1/2 hr swim (am), gym(pm)
Saturday-10k run
Sunday-nothing.

if i can manage that for two/three weeks, i think ill get used to it. but i also want to build core muscles (abs, obliques, gluts) since i sit down most of the day and these muscles are important to prevent back problems, but the gym only promotes growth, not necissarily good form or balance, so someone suggested pilates. so i figure ill do that this sat morn and see if i like it. also my flatmates play squash on wednesday nights so i figure i might join in with them. But if i try all this at once ill just give up i think, so need to build up to it over next month or so.

Ebooks

If you cant tell by multiple posts in a single day, im at uni and avoiding actual work.

Ebooks, i've been looking up book piracy and people are talking about availability and cost and ease of piracy. they talk about how piracy is a bad thing.

i think the issue lies in IP (intelectual property). the concept that something physical should be paid for (wouldnt steal a handbag) but non-physical can be got for free(movie piracy is stealing (something that im not sure i agree with)).

I can borrow any book from my local library (yes any book, if they dont have it i can request they purchase it) for free.

so its hard to imagine piracy is something different. EXCEPT... Libraries pay for their book. so someone has paid for the IP.

What happens if my memory is VERY good (its good, just not photographi) and i could reproduce the work verbatim? is the reproduction piracy? The NGV seems to think so, your not allowed to take photo's of the works, or sketch them either (i had a project from a uni subject where i was supposed to do that but got told off in the gallery).

Who owns my experiance of someone elses IP? if i experiance it, then attempt to reproduce it, its my interpretation of their IP?

What happens when its a technological reproduction? is it different? there is no interpretation in that case. its plagerism if you copy word for word, an assignment if you reword it...

Some Feminist Arguements Annoy Me

I'm not sure if i miss the point of feminism, i thought it was chasing socail equality for women.

I just read some annoying blog about feminism and lady Gaga. It talked about gaga's telephone music clip where they do a thelma and louise type thing, and poison some oggling guy then the rest of the restaurant. Then the blogger went on to about how feminist point of punishing men for objectifying women is undermined by a sort of nihilistic punishing everyone.

then she went on to the idea of "hook up hangover" where a girl hooks up with a guy, feels empowered on the night, then regrets it the next day.

So stupid, thats not a uniquely female experience.

Also regretting hooking up doesnt disempower you. its just normal that sometimes you do something in the heat of the moment that you enjoy and then regret later. (getting drunk and having a real hangover is a good example)

i dont think empowering women should come at the cost of their libido. if they want permiscuos sex, then regret it later, there is nothing anti-feminist about that behaviour. they are choosing how to live their lives. its when other people suggest that somehow their choice to behave like that means they are caving to socail pressure, or demonstrating some sort of moral/feminist weakness of character that i think there is a problem.

imho its the idea that in a "hook up" situation that the woman *must* be taking the passive (in the idea that all sexual encounters have an active/dominant/empowered and passive/submissive/unempowered) role that suggests that promiscuity is somehow anti-feminist. But i dont believe that hooking up necisarily is always unidirectional.

Current Uni Status

just to let anyone who reads this know about my current uni activities so people can stop asking:

I swaped to a masters because i found the phd topic:

too boring
not enough money
too time consuming
not rewarding enough

I know i wanted a phd for the Dr at the start of my name, but really, another two years on a project that is boring seems like a waste of time, not to mention thats over 100k in potential lost earnings, when you include the first year. So now im going to finish what ive completed so far as a masters

FAQ:
Q: can you do that?
A: yes.
Q: have you done enough to finish soon?
A: almost, another 1-2 months.
Q: will your stripend still cover you?
A: i think so, supervisor is checking into it. he thinks most likely for up to another roughly 5 months
Q: does it lower your employability?
A: post-grad is not that important in engineering in australia, so no, infact having a masters is sometimes considered more "practicle" than having a phd, also i dont have to tell people thats what happened
Q: Do you feel like you've failed?
A: hard to say, masters is an achievement if thats what you aim for, but i aimed for a fud, so sorta falling short in that sence, but not a complete fail, id say it feels like 75-80% success 20-25% fail.
Q: why did you do a phd if you weren't that interested?
A: i wanted to have a phd, wasnt really that interested in doing a phd. just wanted to be a Dr.

Fun Weekend

Think I did have posts at one point, but maybe not...

Opening post, inspired by lex (who i have a sneaking suspicion was inspired by anna), i will try and blog more.

what to talk about:
I made lots of sausage rolls on the weekend, and gnocci too, for uni lunches
I went out alot this weekend, was fun.

Actually i went to baroque house on saturday for andy's twenty first, i enjoyed it alot. The place is nice, the random people are above average looking and i got alot of flirty attention, which was a nice ego boost. Also there was a tab that i used a nice portion of so it was cheap night for me. I forgot that nice side benifit of twenty firsts.

Going to the gym today, think im enjoying it, working out makes your body feel good. I just dont like the mirrors so much, cos i feel awesome after doing wieghts, because my muscles feel worked and its a satisfying feeling, but then you look exactly the same in the mirror and its disheartening, when you feel that good you should look a little different at least. i am a bit uncirtain if the gym thing is goin anywhere tho. I enjoy it, but i havent noticed any improvement in muscle size or performance yet. for now ill keep at it just for the satisfaction it provides.

i think the working out may not be improving muscle size, but if the response from randoms at baroque is anything to go by, i think my posture and body language is conveying an increased confidence. I believe that confidence may be the secret to being attractive (of course there are always some cases where its purely physical/pheromonal/personal/a wizard did it-al) to randoms.